WHAT MAKES A FAITH-FILLED FRIEND?
THANKS, BETH & JEANNE
for posting the following comments about spiritual friendship:
BETH'S WORDS:
Faith-filled friends are forever friends. I remember telling a dear Christian friend who was living far away, "Maybe God will let us have rooms next to each other in heaven!"
Our friendship deepened when we realized the seeds we sow as friends now can continue to grow without end - even though we may never live close to each other here on earth.
Girlfriends, who are in essence "sisters" in God's family, can connect in deeper ways because of their faith. As we invite the Holy Spirit into our friendships, the blessings of friendship are multiplied. The Holy Spirit can even nudge us to pray for each other when the other one needs it. What an amazing connection!
Thank you, God, for providing us with soul sisters!
JEANNE'S WORDS:
The great difference between regular friendships and those with whom we have a spiritual kinship is that there is a third person in the relationship: God. His presence in the relationship brings it into the realm of the supernatural, and allows us to have supernatural forgiveness when we wrong one another, supernatural agreement on the most important things, and the spirit of truth in what we say to each other.
Having spiritual oneness allows us a freedom that just isn't there in an ordinary friendship--a freedom to be wholly and transparently ourselves. And there is a wisdom that a spiritual friend has, a wisdom that comes from above, that gives her objectivity when I'm having trouble seeing straight. I can trust that my spiritual friend will speak truth in love to me when I need it, not just agree with everything I say--and that, to me, is one of the greatest gifts of a spiritual friendship.
Another wonderful thing about spiritual friendships is that they can go from acquaintance to friendship very quickly. When we both know and are seeking to obey the same Person, we have a lot of important common ground already! And when you haven't seen a soul sister in awhile, it's easy to pick up where you left off, simply by asking: What has God been doing in your life? Again, that idea that there are three persons in the relationship: A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
You've both won a free copy of GIRL TALK . . . GOD TALK: What Your Friends Can Teach You About Prayer. Please contact my assistant, Julie MacManus, jmacmanus@tx.rr.com with your contact information and we'll stick the book in the mail to you in time for Valentine's Day!
Also - for those of you who've been waiting - and as promised, here's the article on Faith & Friendship that Cheri and I wrote for TODAY'S CHRISTIAN WOMAN. I've also included our fun FRIENDSHIP QUIZ. It's especially hilarious and illuminating if you take it with a friend who knows you well.
CHERI & SALLY's WORDS from TCW:
Soul Sisters:4 Ways to Foster Spiritual Friendships
I love carrot cake and hate small talk. Cheri craves ice cream and works out religiously. Friends for more than 20 years, we're two Starbucks-drinking, Levi-wearing, munchkin-rearing friends.
But when Cheri and I mention we're on a "spiritual journey" together, people often give us blank stares. We suspect they're imagining us at Bible studies and weekend retreats. Some of those images ring true, but faith-filled friendship is more about sharing the rough-and-tumble of ordinary life than practicing spiritual piety.
Jesus and his twelve stinky fishermen friends spent more time at the beach than they did at a synagogue. Their hillside picnics probably felt more like church than most days at the temple. Every social gathering was a feast of friendship and faith. Even today, a circle of friends - with Christ at the center - is one of God's desires for his church. He continually sows seeds of community, whether we're scheduling play dates or coffee breaks, joining book clubs or Bible studies. Yet too often we rely more on our frenetic pace than on faith-inspiring friendships to serve our souls.
love
In their book Friends for the Journey, Madeleine L'Engle and Luci Shaw describe friendship as a gift "given to you - holy, happy, tough, tender, wild, wacky, a sacrifice, and a sacrament." Finding soul sisters means being open to spiritual friendship. Cheri and I have discovered these important ways to foster this.
love
1. CHERI: Open your heart and mind.
Start by asking God to put people in your life who'll inspire your faith and nourish your soul. And be persistent about putting yourself in the presence of people you want to learn from - even if they're different from you.
love
When Sally and I first met as roommates at college, we were obvious opposites. Sally had jet-black hair and an operatic voice; I'm more introverted by nature. Though we shared little in common, we sensed there were things we could teach each other. So together we attended campus concerts and took train trips into the nearby city. Over that year - and the years that followed - God surprised us with the gift of being more than just sisters in Christ, but friends for the journey. It still surprises us how my introversion teaches Sally to live in the moment and wait on grace, and how her boisterous spirit nurtures my adventurous side. Together we're able to experience the full spectrum of a faith-filled life: stillness and movement, prayer and play.
When Sally and I first met as roommates at college, we were obvious opposites. Sally had jet-black hair and an operatic voice; I'm more introverted by nature. Though we shared little in common, we sensed there were things we could teach each other. So together we attended campus concerts and took train trips into the nearby city. Over that year - and the years that followed - God surprised us with the gift of being more than just sisters in Christ, but friends for the journey. It still surprises us how my introversion teaches Sally to live in the moment and wait on grace, and how her boisterous spirit nurtures my adventurous side. Together we're able to experience the full spectrum of a faith-filled life: stillness and movement, prayer and play.
love
When you're open to the Spirit's work in your life, friendship can spark anywhere, anytime: at the grocery store, in a book club, or in a church small group.
2. SALLY: Honor and celebrate each other.
2. SALLY: Honor and celebrate each other.
When my husband and I returned from China with our adopted daughter, Emily Grace, Cheri loaded her clan into a minivan to make the snow-laden trek to Illinois for a welcoming celebration.
love
On antique hunts, my friend Rona and I hunt for pairs of brass candlesticks. I take one, Rona the other. The missing half reminds us we're not alone. When Cheri invites a girlfriend over, she lights a candle to remind her that friends reflect the glow of God's presence.
love
Friends can celebrate spiritual realities in ordinary moments. Whether it's with a fiesta for 50 or a casual luncheon for 2, time with your friends is sacred. Matthew 18:20 says, "for where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them." God invites you to share in a feast of friendship and faith even in the mundane. Marking moments as holy and meaningful opens your heart to God and each other.
3. CHERI: Share personal stories.
3. CHERI: Share personal stories.
Learning to love and nourish other women, spiritually speaking, is also about finding the courage to exchange personal stories. Hearts engage when you invite others to share their joys, struggles, questions, and dreams.
love
Sally and I were friends for 15 years when my move 400 miles away threatened to challenge the closeness of our friendship. Crippled with grief, I struggled with reaching out to new people. Sally and I began spending a lot of time together on the phone, unveiling parts of our hearts we'd guarded carefully before. Now, though geographically separated, we became closer than ever before.
love
Trusting that authenticity is a God-given seed for spiritual friendship, I also joined a women's Bible study group. Every Friday morning I dragged myself to church only to cry, struggle to engage, worry what others thought of me, and promise that next week I'd actually finish the homework. But over time, God handpicked a circle of friends for me who wear the fragrance of Christ.
love
Thankfully, friends don't have to be in crisis to take risks with each other. When you understand the power of sharing personal stories, you realize even a daily walk to the bus stop with your neighbor can open up opportunities for deeper sharing. The other day, as we awaited my son's big yellow bus, my neighbor shared that she's recently qualified for the Boston Marathon. Her story inspired me to share some writing accolades I may otherwise have kept hidden. Since then, we've been able to celebrate each other's successes and support each other during difficult times.
love
With frequent open sharing, you can confess over coffee with a childhood friend that tangled knot in your chest over a recent argument with your spouse. Or as you work through a study guide with a support group, you can leave an answer blank and instead ask a question burning in your soul. Authenticity leads to intimacy. And it's through intimacy you experience God's embrace.
love
4. SALLY: Pray for each other.
Intercession, the heart of prayer, means favorable entreaty. Anytime you give a gift to a friend, you express favorable desire for her. Anytime you write an encouraging note or e-mail, you express your desire for your friend's well-being. And God's always listening.
love
Recently a dear friend, Lucy, lost her infant daughter to a reare immune deficiency disease. She and her husband kept an online journal, and I reviewed the posting daily, weeping tears of compassion when IVs wouldn't stay in, tests came back with scary results, or another holiday went by in the hospital, away from the comforts of home. Some days I felt I hadn't prayed enough or in the right ways for Lucy. But when I read Lucy's last journal entry about her baby's death and soaked my blouse with tears, I realized sobbing was my prayer. Later that day, I wrote a poem for my friend, which I framed and sent to her as memorial.
love
When we walk in compassion and grace with our girlfriends, we're experiencing spiritual friendship. It's nothing we have to "add in" or "put on." It comes with the territory of loving deeply. And it turns things as simple as tears into prayers. In this way, the apostle Paul's admonition to pray without ceasing is transformed into the everyday details of our relational realities.
love
Friendships are the heart and soul of God's church.
He invites us to join hands in an ever-growing circle of love and grace, enjoying the mysterious way he weds our humble humanity with his holiness. Sally and I are simply two friends on a spiritual journey together. As you too live with compassion, helping other while daring to reveal your heart in the process, you'll do what women do best: faith-filled friendship.
love
To find your own style of friendship, take The Five Faces of Friendship: Find Your Face Quiz. While you’re at it, brew a pot of tea, invite over a group of friends and take the quiz together. As you gather – living with compassion and helping each other, while daring to reveal your hearts in the process – you’re doing what women do best: faith-filled friendship.
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The Five Faces of Friendship:
Find Your Face Quiz
To find the unique ways you relate as a friend, please circle one answer for each question. Because we’re understanding Soul Sisters, if you find yourself torn between two answers, go ahead and circle both. Instructions for compiling your friendship portrait can be found at the end of the test.
1) Do you tend to be more:
a) prayerful and faith-filled
b) hilarious and playful
c) loyal and compassionate
d) creative and inviting
e) wise and perceptive
2) A television show you’d most likely watch:
a) Touched by an Angel
b) Last Comic Standing
c) A Hallmark made-for-TV movie
d) The Art of French Cooking with Julia Childs
e) Dr. Phil
3) At a party, do you....
a) gently redirect a gossipy conversation
b) show up in costume
c) help remove a punch stain from a friend’s dress
d) bring hand-dipped candles as a hostess gift
e) break out the mini-book ‘If...’: Questions for the Game of Life
4) Which famous person is most like you?
a) Beth Moore
b) Lucille Ball
c) Lady Di
d) Martha Stewart
e) Ann Landers
5) What might you be overheard saying?
a) “How can I pray for you?”
b) “Why did the chicken cross the road?”
c) “You go, girl!”
d) “Can I borrow your bundt pan?”
e) “Now, the tornado in your dream means...”
6) What holiday-related activity would you most enjoy?
a) Encouraging your family to thank God on Thanksgiving
b) Spraying Silly String everywhere for someone’s Birthday
c) Delivering homemade cards to the senior center on Valentines Day
d) Baking 10 varieties of cookies for friends and family at Christmas
e) Reflecting on the past year and setting new goals for the New Year
7) What your friends might say about you:
a) “She sees me through God’s eyes.”
b) “She makes me laugh so hard I pee my pants.”
c) “When I feel bad, she cries too.”
d) “I’m at home when I’m with her.”
e) “She knows me better than I know myself.”
8) If you were a children’s book, what would your title be?
a) The Velveteen Rabbit
b) Cat in the Hat
c) The Giving Tree
d) Little House on the Prairie
e) The Secret Garden
9) How you might spend a Saturday afternoon:
a) calling your prayer chain
b) doing a high ropes course with a friend
c) serving at a soup kitchen
d) planning the neighborhood block party
e) writing in your journal
10) Your motto in life:
a) It is well with my soul
b) Laughter is the best medicine
c) A friend in need is a friend indeed
d) Home is where the heart is
e) Those who seek will find
Finding your Face:
Tally your number of a, b, c, d and e answers below. Your friendship profile is based on your two highest scores. Read the corresponding ‘faces’ for both of those letters. You will be a combination of the two different portraits.
a______ b______ c______ d_______ e_______
The Five Faces:
Your Friendship Portrait
(a) Soul Sister
You are a prayerful and faith-filled friend. By your example and encouragement, friends grow in their own faith journeys. You avoid coming off as “holier than thou” because you are honest and transparent about your own life. Friends come to you for spiritual guidance and prayer, knowing your concern for them is rooted in God’s love. At times you may grow weary of always being the anchor in your circle of friends. They are blessed by your spirit of strength.
(b) Playmate
You have a knack for finding humor in the ordinary. Friends call you when they need a good laugh. You spark up any gathering with your witty comments and prankster personality. Because you are a sensitive soul, it may be hard for you to trust others with deep feelings. Your sense of adventure inspires people to do things they might not otherwise do. The way you help others play is a gift. You truly understand that laughter is the best medicine.
(c) Midwife
You are a compassionate and generous friend. Others feel comfortable coming to you when they need a helping hand or a shoulder to cry on. Patience and understanding come naturally to you. You are sentimental and sincere. At times you may feel depleted because you give so freely from your time and resources. You have the heart of a servant, and know intuitively how to nurture those in need.
(d) Hostess
You are creative, fun, and often the bearer of tidings. Others feel at home in your presence. You know how to celebrate your friends, and cherish creating new traditions with them. You have a gift for seeing how ordinary things (candles, quilts, photographs, meals, letters) can reflect spiritual realities. It can be easy for you to get stuck in high gear, unable to find some solitude. Friends appreciate your creativity, and often look to you to coordinate the next meaningful party.
(e) Therapist
You are wise and perceptive friend, obsessed with finding meaning in life. You have valuable insights that others might miss on their own. People cherish your perspective on life and love, and often come to you for advice. Friends may need to remind you of your tendency to over- analyze. Journaling, reading and reflecting help strengthen your gifts of wisdom and intuition. Your friends benefit because you often know them better than they know themselves.
Find Your Face Quiz
To find the unique ways you relate as a friend, please circle one answer for each question. Because we’re understanding Soul Sisters, if you find yourself torn between two answers, go ahead and circle both. Instructions for compiling your friendship portrait can be found at the end of the test.
1) Do you tend to be more:
a) prayerful and faith-filled
b) hilarious and playful
c) loyal and compassionate
d) creative and inviting
e) wise and perceptive
2) A television show you’d most likely watch:
a) Touched by an Angel
b) Last Comic Standing
c) A Hallmark made-for-TV movie
d) The Art of French Cooking with Julia Childs
e) Dr. Phil
3) At a party, do you....
a) gently redirect a gossipy conversation
b) show up in costume
c) help remove a punch stain from a friend’s dress
d) bring hand-dipped candles as a hostess gift
e) break out the mini-book ‘If...’: Questions for the Game of Life
4) Which famous person is most like you?
a) Beth Moore
b) Lucille Ball
c) Lady Di
d) Martha Stewart
e) Ann Landers
5) What might you be overheard saying?
a) “How can I pray for you?”
b) “Why did the chicken cross the road?”
c) “You go, girl!”
d) “Can I borrow your bundt pan?”
e) “Now, the tornado in your dream means...”
6) What holiday-related activity would you most enjoy?
a) Encouraging your family to thank God on Thanksgiving
b) Spraying Silly String everywhere for someone’s Birthday
c) Delivering homemade cards to the senior center on Valentines Day
d) Baking 10 varieties of cookies for friends and family at Christmas
e) Reflecting on the past year and setting new goals for the New Year
7) What your friends might say about you:
a) “She sees me through God’s eyes.”
b) “She makes me laugh so hard I pee my pants.”
c) “When I feel bad, she cries too.”
d) “I’m at home when I’m with her.”
e) “She knows me better than I know myself.”
8) If you were a children’s book, what would your title be?
a) The Velveteen Rabbit
b) Cat in the Hat
c) The Giving Tree
d) Little House on the Prairie
e) The Secret Garden
9) How you might spend a Saturday afternoon:
a) calling your prayer chain
b) doing a high ropes course with a friend
c) serving at a soup kitchen
d) planning the neighborhood block party
e) writing in your journal
10) Your motto in life:
a) It is well with my soul
b) Laughter is the best medicine
c) A friend in need is a friend indeed
d) Home is where the heart is
e) Those who seek will find
Finding your Face:
Tally your number of a, b, c, d and e answers below. Your friendship profile is based on your two highest scores. Read the corresponding ‘faces’ for both of those letters. You will be a combination of the two different portraits.
a______ b______ c______ d_______ e_______
The Five Faces:
Your Friendship Portrait
(a) Soul Sister
You are a prayerful and faith-filled friend. By your example and encouragement, friends grow in their own faith journeys. You avoid coming off as “holier than thou” because you are honest and transparent about your own life. Friends come to you for spiritual guidance and prayer, knowing your concern for them is rooted in God’s love. At times you may grow weary of always being the anchor in your circle of friends. They are blessed by your spirit of strength.
(b) Playmate
You have a knack for finding humor in the ordinary. Friends call you when they need a good laugh. You spark up any gathering with your witty comments and prankster personality. Because you are a sensitive soul, it may be hard for you to trust others with deep feelings. Your sense of adventure inspires people to do things they might not otherwise do. The way you help others play is a gift. You truly understand that laughter is the best medicine.
(c) Midwife
You are a compassionate and generous friend. Others feel comfortable coming to you when they need a helping hand or a shoulder to cry on. Patience and understanding come naturally to you. You are sentimental and sincere. At times you may feel depleted because you give so freely from your time and resources. You have the heart of a servant, and know intuitively how to nurture those in need.
(d) Hostess
You are creative, fun, and often the bearer of tidings. Others feel at home in your presence. You know how to celebrate your friends, and cherish creating new traditions with them. You have a gift for seeing how ordinary things (candles, quilts, photographs, meals, letters) can reflect spiritual realities. It can be easy for you to get stuck in high gear, unable to find some solitude. Friends appreciate your creativity, and often look to you to coordinate the next meaningful party.
(e) Therapist
You are wise and perceptive friend, obsessed with finding meaning in life. You have valuable insights that others might miss on their own. People cherish your perspective on life and love, and often come to you for advice. Friends may need to remind you of your tendency to over- analyze. Journaling, reading and reflecting help strengthen your gifts of wisdom and intuition. Your friends benefit because you often know them better than they know themselves.
love love love love love Friends give nourishment of all kinds to one another.
love love love love love love love love We sustain one another.
love love love love In so many ways we offer to one another feasts of friendship.
love love love love love love love love love love love love– Madeleine L’Engle
love love love love love love love love love love love love– Madeleine L’Engle
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