Today was rainy day. A rainy Monday. Last night I returned home from a visit to see my dear friend, Cheri, in Minnesota; the rain perfectly accompanied my lonely, after-visit malaise. I don't know if it was the rain or the melancholy that precipitated a burst of creativity. Either way, I found myself playing around with poetry, ordering some Luci Shaw collections that I've longed for forever, pulling out my poetry journal and pen. By the fire I jotted down a couple clerihews. In the kitchen, while making my kids' lunches, I toyed around with a tongue twister. In a blurry-brained moment after an afternoon nap, I imagined a few acrostics using words like, YAWN, SECRET, SMILE and CANDLE.
In the shower an acrostic for GOD popped, unwelcome, into my mind:
Grandiose
Omnipotent
Damning
Ouch! I hated the creation. It felt like a thief in the night coming quickly, surreptitiously, rapaciously. It bummed me out to think that those were my first three word associations for God. I tried to erase them, replacing them with:
Gracious
Omnipresent
Delighting
love
love
FaithfulAchingly true
Troubling
Hope-espousing
Eternal god
Relentless
and
Munificent
Other-worldly, yet in the world
Trustworthy
Holy
Eminently beautiful
Radical
Still, the first three words (and some of the others) tormented me. As I walked to the bus stop, sharing an umbrella with my daughter, Emily; I wondered if my sadness today has less to do with missing my friend and more to do with the way I'm presently perceiving divinity.
I wondered if middle life - with all of its pains, disappointments, eye-opening and unavoidable troubles - I'm revisiting some of the destructive descriptors of God that I learned in CCD as a child. I wondered if now, as I'm redefining who I am as a woman, if it is going to involve redefining, re-imaging, meeting anew the god I thought I'd known for so long.
Lately I've been thinking about another divinely definitive piece of 'poetry' titled Footprints in the Sand. Many of us are familiar with its saccharine free verse using the metaphor of two sets of prints on a wet sandy shore: one set belongs to the Divine, the other to the reader. During difficult times on the walk of life, only one set of prints is visible because it is then that God carried the one in need.
Is this the way it really works? When times get rough does God carry us? It hasn't always felt that way to me. Even though I believe God is always with me, loving, caring, walking beside, before and behind; this carrying business seems a bit dubious. Its validity hangs in the balance when I view it in lite of the most painful times in my life and the most painful times in lives of others close to me. Today I found myself wondering if Christ felt carried as he died on the cross crying out, "My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?"
The other day I was watching my new favorite movie, THEN SHE FOUND ME, which features a different explanation of how God works in the world. Somehow it rings truer to me than the footprints. Quoting from the end of the movie:
There is a Jewish story - - an ordinary Jewish joke. A father was teaching his little son to be less afraid, to have more courage.
"Jump," he said, "and I'll catch you."
And the little boy trusted him; and the little boy jumped. And when his father caught him he felt filled with love. And when he didn't, he was filled with something else, something . . . more: Life. Amen.
Maybe we receive more from God when he doesn't catch or carry us. Maybe he's not a coddling parent; but, one who challenges us into courage and a rich life. What do you believe? If you have time, take a moment to write an acrostic for GOD or DIVINITY, FATHER, JESUS or LORD. What are the first words that pop into your mind? Do they surprise, comfort, cajole, or bless you? How? Feel free to share what you've written; and - with your permission - I'll post your poem.
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3 comments:
Hey Sal!
I was intrigued by your questions about “carrying” last night, and I awoke early this morning with the question still on my mind. So, I decided to see if I could find any verses that mention “carrying.” No luck. But, how about these?
"He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters.” (2 Sam 22:17 and again in Psalm 18:16)
“He raises the poor from the dust and lifts the needy from the ash heap.” (1 Sam 2:8)
“He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.” (Ps 40:2)
Maybe these give examples, not of carrying, but of rescuing and delivering, which seem to be more short-term than “carrying” implies. Because, after the rescue, he “set my feet on a rock.” But then I am reminded of how Jesus asks “Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? … how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!” (Matt 7:9-11) Sometimes we carry our children when they need it. So, does God carry us, likewise?
Good questions, and thanks for the opportunity to delve deeper!
Love, Beth
G-O-D: Great & Gracious, Obvious, Divine. (That's Rich's answer. Oh that I could see God as obvious!)
Mine? Gracious, Oh-so-elusive, daily.
I think it's very insightful to see the connection between personal changes and your evolving understanding of God.
To the forever journey!
Love you,
Cheri
Hey, Sal. . . found an unexpected, but timely verse this morning:
Isaiah 46:3,4 "Listen to me, O house of Jacob, all you who remain of the house of Israel, you whom I have upheld since you were conceived and have carried since your birth.
Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will recue you."
Love,
Cheri
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