Happy Birthday, Cheri!

Today is my dearest friend Cheri's birthday. As part of my celebration of her birth; I share the following poem which I penned for her this February.


Summit Self
a poem for Cheri winter ‘o9

She will climb a mountain
if you tell her which one

Or swim upstream
against tides of White Ruffians
if you take her to the River

She is transparent, bursting,
jammed with wisdom born from
years of surrender and wiping
Emergence is near

Like a mountaineer at the zenith
piercing flag into jagged peak
She’s ready to reclaim Herself
The stake: more about Call than Career
Moment than Momentum

For today, she seeks and asks and waits

You are silent.
Come on! Speak!
Aren’t you Word, anyway?!

She listens, blurring blue another day
Can’t you utter a solitary sound?
Or – at least – take her

Take her to the River
dunk her Summit Self down
deep and when she emerges

Smile a resonant Yes!
on her beauty and gifts and age


Happy Birthday, Cher!!!

A Poem Inspired by The Woman at the Well

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Wait Well
Based on John 4:1-38

Like her
Cry when its time to cry
Ride the rollercoaster of it all
Go to the well with empty jar:
expecting to be slaked

When you see The Stranger
and realize he knows all
your foibles, losses, Cracked Places
too well to be anything but a Diviner

Leave your jar
Go tell those you love
And when you return
the jar will be full of
laughing waters for you,
for him, and for all of his friends

Twilight

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If you're as obsessed by Stephanie Meyer's Twilight Series as I've been over the last few weeks (I'm in the middle of the last book and not wanting it to end); perhaps you'll enjoy the following poem, inspired by the saga.

Awake Again
Spring 2009

When the No is deep and hard and long –
filled with empty urgency of a broken,
never-hatched egg –
find a way to rest instead of sleep

Slumber knowing that God
(like a fictive Vegetarian Vampire)
never sleeps, but, sits
in a chair by your bed
watching, keeping you from harm
held in love

Making sure that all your
sleepy words turn into
dreams come true

He will not let your foot slip -- he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The Lord watches over you -- the Lord is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. The Lord will keep you from all harm -- he will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore. Psalm 121:3-8

Butterfly Wishes

Butterfly Wishes
For Kristen, March 1, 2009

Be free to fly and rest
lovelike she does, unencumbered by agenda
loveand deadline or public opinion

Let the Wind blow you from
loveone sticky gold, crimson or
lovecornflower blue stamen to the next

Drink in Sweet as you do your long
lovecurly proboscised work
lovewith Grace and Intuition

Be yourself in full, colorful, feminine
lovecreativity: embracing Process
loveand summer days, the Organic Way

Then, when your wings are tatter edged
loveunable to ride Wind as easily, readily
loveas on the day they dried

Flutter down to tree shaded ground
lovewhere it’s cool and green
loveand safe

Sleep there
lovesurrounded by the colors of
lovedivine cross-pollination

Opening

LOVE
This Christmas I stuffed my own stocking with two books by Dorothy J. Gaiter & John Brecher, authors of the Wall Steet Journal's 'TASTINGS' column. The books: WINE FOR EVERY DAY AND EVERY OCCASION and LOVE BY THE GLASS were heavily dog-eared by the end of January, and I had effectively abandoned my feelings of wine-intimidation, as well as gained a new exuberance for enjoying wine.

Gaiter & Brecher (a husband/wife team) have an artful, brilliant, organic way of telling stories and describing wine experiences that draw the reader in and make the world of wine feel accessible and desirable. Check them out at: http://online.wsj.com/article/tastings.html

Because of their writings, my New Year's resolution was to drink more wine, start a wine tasting group, and regularly follow their TASTINGS column. Because of their writings, I will never again take a vacation without packing a good bottle to uncork upon arriving at my destination. Because of their writings, each time I go to a wine store I 'channel' Dottie & John (trying to imagine their recommendations). And, because of their writings, I always feel as if they're somehow vicariously partaking of each new bottle I open.

By sharing one of their life's passions, they have enriched my life and inspired me to write the following poem (an homage to their OPEN THAT BOTTLE NIGHT - see their link for more on this):

Opening

Uncork that bottle you’ve been saving
the one with rose in full bloom on its label

Uncork, pour into good, long stemmed, large bowled glasses
the ones that have collected dust on their bottoms
(turned upside down on your shelf for months)

Uncork, letting the nose fill your kitchen with raisiny red
bouquet of pepper and lilac and wisdom

Swirl, letting legs adorn transparent stemware, walking more
spice and leather – chocolate now – into your breathing space

Let terroir take you to Italy or France or the Californian coast
Better, to the propinquities of your personal vintage

See the vines and winemaker, the sun and soil,
the labor, loss and love that fortifies grapes

Drink in delightful, yummy, cherrylike tastes
experience pillow-soft mouthfeel. Come to it

Drink structure, and landscape and soulful fruit
wait for the long, gentle, ethereal finish
(that strangely makes you feel more grounded)

Toast the open rose on the open bottle. Toast yourself:
who you’ve been, who you are and who you’re becoming

Tomorrow, remove the label. Paste it in a journal,
a reminder of the ways you’re opening with grace and time
(and of that damn good glass of wine)

If You Seek . . . song

LOVE
Winter. The festivity and (sometimes) frenetic pace of Christmas has passed. Now, I wait for the More Waiting of Lent. Somehow, perhaps divinely, the season seems perfectly synchronized with my station in life: a still, quiet, cold - sometimes lonely and unfriendly - time of waiting. Waiting for kids to get off the bus, waiting for word from editors and agents, waiting for direction for the future. Waiting for new birth that comes in the sprouts of springtime's buds and chrysalises.

The silence and solitude of this winter sometimes gets to me. I have to fight against an overwhelming urge to clog this time and space by watching too much TV, even reading or sleeping too much. I know I need to stay in, honor my present limbo. All the while, I will listen carefully for Word, stay alert to motion; try to trust that somewhere 'Aslan is on the move.'

I have a deep sense that what my soul really needs is to sit in the stillness. I feel impatient, though. I hate waiting! I want to forge ahead, force things. No matter what I do, I can't change this frozen white-covered and motionless moment: my present solitude. So, I will try to embrace the stillness.

Thomas Merton, a Tappist monk and author of The Seven Storey Kingdom, helps me with his poem.

If You Seek . . . song

If you seek a heavenly light
I, Solitude, am your professor!

I go before you into emptiness,
Raise strange suns for your new mornings,
Opening the windows
Of your innermost apartment.

When I, loneliness, give my special signal
Follow my silence, follow where I beckon!
Fear not, little beast, little spirit
(Thou word and animal)
I, Solitude, am angel
And have prayed in your name.

Look at the empty, wealthy night
The pilgrim moon!
I am the appointed hour,
The "now" that cuts
Time like a blade.

I am the unexpected flash
Beyond "yes," beyond "no,"
The forerunner of the Word of God.

Follow my ways and I will lead you
To golden-haired suns,
Logos and music, blameless joys,
Innocent of questions
And beyond answers:
For I, Solitude, am thine own self:
I, Nothingness, am thy All.
I, Silence, am thy Amen!

The Universe is Made of Stories

LOVE
Poet, Muriel Rukeyser writes, The universe is made of stories, not atoms. I couldn't agree more! Everyone loves a good story whether it's the latest Jodi Piccoult novel that we read this summer on the beach, or a piece of good children's fiction we read last night in a rocking chair with a child on our lap. Stories tell truth. They inspire. They let us know that we're not alone. They help us make sense out of a messy, painful world.

God is one of the world's best storytellers. The bible is a collection of God's most captivating stories. A few weeks ago - - inspired by one of my publishers, Terry Glaspey's new book, The One-Minute Bible Guide - - I wrote a Metanarrative which was read aloud at my church. A Metanarrative uses a theme to weave all of God's stories into one collective story. (I guess it is, to literature, what a medley is to music.)

The theme of a good Metanarrative could be anything from blood to love, from walking to the sun. It could be titled anything from God, Lover of Our Souls . . . to God, the Word Who Speaks . . . to God, the One Who Holds Every Story Together . . . My Metanarrative was titled God, The Author and Perfecter. It was an attempt to show that the same God who wrote Adam and Eve's story and the story of the Patriarchs is still writing our stories.


A Metanarrative Call to Worship
God, The Author and Perfecter

The Era of Creation & Early History (Genesis 1-11)

LEADER 1:
In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. Genesis 1:1

LEADER 2:
In the beginning was the Word. John 1:1

LEADER 3:
He was the firstborn over all creation. Colossians 1:15

LEADER 1:
For by him all things were created. Colossians 1:15

LEADER 2:
He was before all things and in him all things hold together. Colossians 1:17

LEADER 3:
He was – and still is – the beginning so that in everything he might have supremacy. Colossians 1:18

LEADER 1:
Since the beginning God has set eternity in the hearts of his people; yet we cannot fathom what he has done from beginning to end. Ecclesiastes 3:11

ALL:
You, O God, are the Alpha and the Omega, the Author and Perfecter of our faith, Hebrews 12:2 a Stronghold in times of trouble, Psalm 9:9 the Beginning and the End. Revelation 21:6 Our times are in your hands. Psalm 31:15

LEADER 1:
God created man in his own image . . . male and female he created them. Genesis 1:27

LEADER 2:
The Lord God planted a garden in the east, in Eden; and there he put the people he had made. Genesis 2:8

LEADER 3:
In the garden the man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame. Genesis 2:25

LEADER 1:
And the Lord God commanded, “You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. Genesis 2:17

LEADER 3:
The woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye . . . she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband and he ate it. Genesis 3:6

LEADER 2:
God’s children heard the sound of their Father walking in the garden in the cool of the day. Genesis 3:8

LEADER 1:
God called to the man, “Where are you?”

LEADER 2:
He answered, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid. Genesis 3:9-10

ALL:
You, O God, are the Alpha and the Omega, the Author and Perfecter of our faith, Hebrews 12:2 a Stronghold in times of trouble, Psalm 9:9 the Beginning and the End. Revelation 21:6 Our times are in your hands. Psalm 31:15

LEADER 2:
Noah was a righteous man, blameless among the people of his time. Genesis 6:9

LEADER 1:
God saw how corrupt the earth had become. So he said to Noah, “I am going to put an end to all people. So make yourself an ark.” Genesis 6:12-14

LEADER 3:
The springs of the great deep burst forth, and the floodgates of the heavens were opened. Genesis 7:11

LEADER 1:
And rain fell on the earth forty days and forty nights. Genesis 7:12 Every living thing on the face of the earth was wiped out. Genesis 7:23

LEADER 2:
Only Noah was left and those with him in the ark. Genesis 7:23

LEADER 1:
God said to Noah and his family, “This is the sign of the covenant I am making between me and you, a covenant for all generations to come. I have set my rainbow in the clouds that never again will the waters become a flood to destroy all life.” Genesis 9:12-13

ALL:
You, O God, are the Alpha and the Omega, the Author and Perfecter of our faith, Hebrews 12:2 a Stronghold in times of trouble, Psalm 9:9 the Beginning and the End. Revelation 21:6 Our times are in your hands. Psalm 31:15

The Era of the Patriarchs (Genesis 12-50)

LEADER 1:
The Lord said to Abraham, “Leave your country and go to the land I will show you. I will make you into a great nation and I will bless you.” Genesis 12:1-2

LEADER 3:
But Abraham said, “O Sovereign Lord, what can you give me since I remain childless?” Genesis 15:2

LEADER 1:
God took Abraham outside and said to him, “Look up at the heavens and count the stars. So shall be your offspring.” Genesis 15:5

LEADER 2:
At the very time God had promised, Sarah became pregnant and bore a son to Abraham in his old age. Genesis 21:2

LEADER 1:
Abraham gave the name Isaac – meaning laughter – to the son Sarah bore him. Genesis 21:3

LEADER 2:
Sarah said, “God has brought me laughter, and everyone who hears about this will laugh with me. Genesis 21:6

ALL:
You, O God, are the Alpha and the Omega, the Author and Perfecter of our faith, Hebrews 12:2 a Stronghold in times of trouble, Psalm 9:9 the Beginning and the End. Revelation 21:6 Our times are in your hands. Psalm 31:15

LEADER 2:
Abraham’s grandson, Jacob, wrestled with God in the night. Genesis 32:24

LEADER 3:
When God saw that he could not overpower Jacob, he touched the socket of Jacob’s hip so that the hip was wrenched as he wrestled. Genesis 32:25

LEADER 1:
God said to the maimed man, “Let me go, for it is daybreak.”
LEADER 3:
But Jacob replied, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.”

LEADER 1:
God asked him, “What is your name?”

LEADER 3:
“Jacob,” he answered.

LEADER 1:
Then God said, “Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel because you have struggled with me and have overcome.” Genesis 32:26-28

LEADER 3:
Jacob, had twelve sons: Reuben, Simeon, Levi, Judah, Issachar, Zebulun, Joseph and Benjamin, Dan and Naphtali, Gad and Asher. Genesis 35:23-26

LEADER 2:
These sons became the twelve tribes of Israel who settled in Egypt to avoid famine, but eventually became slaves in the land. Exodus 1:1-7

ALL:
You, O God, are the Alpha and the Omega, the Author and Perfecter of our faith, Hebrews 12:2 a Stronghold in times of trouble, Psalm 9:9 the Beginning and the End. Revelation 21:6 Our times are in your hands. Psalm 31:15

The Era of the Exodus & Wanderings (Exodus – Joshua)

LEADER 1:
Now Moses was tending his father-in-law’s flock. He led the flock to the far side of the desert and came to Horeb, the mountain of God. Exodus 3:1

LEADER 2:
There the angel of the Lord appeared to him in flames of fire from within a bush.
Exodus 3:2

LEADER 1:
God called to Moses from within the bush, “Moses! Moses!”

LEADER 2:
And Moses said, “Here I am.”

LEADER 1:
“Do not come any closer,” God said. “Take off your sandals, for the place where you are standing is holy ground.” Then he said, “I am the God of your father, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac and the God of Jacob.” Exodus 3:4-6

LEADER 2:
At this, Moses hid his face, because he was afraid to look at God. Exodus 3:6

LEADER 1:
The Lord said, “I have indeed seen the misery of my people in Egypt. I have heard them crying out because of their slave drivers, and I am concerned about their suffering. So I have come down to rescue them from the hand of the Egyptians and to bring them into a good and spacious land . . . So now, go. I am sending you to Pharaoh to bring my people the Israelites out of Egypt.” Exodus 3:7-10

LEADER 2:
The Israelites set out toward the desert along the route to the Red Sea, as the Lord had directed. For a long time they made their way around the hill country. Deuteronomy 2:1

LEADER 3:
For forty years they wandered, grumbled, lost their way and found manna.

LEADER 2:
Then Moses climbed Mount Nebo from the plains of Moab. There the Lord showed him the whole land – from Gilead to Dan . . . all the land of Judah as far as the western sea. Deuteronomy 32:1-3

LEADER 1:
The Lord said to him, “This is the land I promised on oath to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob when I said, ‘I will give it to your descendants. I have let you see it with your eyes, but you will not cross over into it.’” Deuteronomy 32:4

ALL:
You, O God, are the Alpha and the Omega, the Author and Perfecter of our faith, Hebrews 12:2 a Stronghold in times of trouble, Psalm 9:9 the Beginning and the End. Revelation 21:6 Our times are in your hands. Psalm 31:15

The Era of the Judges & The Era of the Kings (Judges & 1 Samuel – 2 Chronicles, Psalms, Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, Song of Solomon)

LEADER 1:
God’s prophet Samuel served for many years. When he grew old, he appointed his sons as judges for Israel. 1 Samuel 8:1

LEADER 2:
But his sons did not walk in his ways. 1 Samuel 8:2

LEADER 3:
So all the elders of Israel gathered together and came to Samuel. They said to him, “Appoint a king to lead us, such as all other nations have.” 1 Samuel 8:5

LEADER 1:
This displeased Samuel; so he prayed to the Lord. And the Lord told him; “Listen to all that the people are saying to you; it is not you they have rejected, but they have rejected me as their king, as they have done from the day I brought them up out of Egypt until this day. Now listen to them; but warn them solemnly and let them know what the king who will reign over them will do.” 1 Samuel 8:7-9

LEADER 3:
The Israelites went to Gilgal and there affirmed Saul as king in the presence of the Lord. Deuteronomy 11:15

LEADER 1:
“Now here is the king you have chosen,” said Samuel. “If both you and the king who reigns over you follow the Lord your God – good! But if you do not obey the Lord and keep his commands, his hand will be against you, as it was against your fathers.”

LEADER 2:
Saul walked with the Lord half-heartedly.

LEADER 1:
The word of the Lord came to Samuel, “I am grieved that I have made Saul king, because he has turned away from me and has not carried out my instructions.” 1 Samuel 15:10

LEADER 3:
David was a son of Jesse of Bethlehem, a brave man and a warrior who spoke well and was a fine-looking man. When he was thirty years old, he became king of Israel and reigned forty years. 1 Samuel 16:18 and 2 Samuel 5:4-5

LEADER 2:
David followed after God with his whole heart.

LEADER 1:
When the time drew near for David to die, he gave a charge to Solomon his son. “Be strong, show yourself a man, and observe what the Lord your God requires: Walk in his ways so that you may prosper in all you do.” 1 Kings 2:2-3

ALL:
You, O God, are the Alpha and the Omega, the Author and Perfecter of our faith, Hebrews 12:2 a Stronghold in times of trouble, Psalm 9:9 the Beginning and the End. Revelation 21:6 Our times are in your hands. Psalm 31:15

The Era of Exile/Babylonian Captivity and Return (Ezra - Nehemiah)

LEADER 3:
After King Solomon, many other kings ruled including Johoshaphat, Jehu, Joash, Jeroboam, Zechariah, and Manasseh. Under their leadership Israel split into two kingdoms and sank into idolatry and immorality.

LEADER 1:
The Lord, the God of their fathers sent word to them through his messengers again and again, because he had pity on his people. But they mocked God’s messengers, despised his words and scoffed at his prophets until the wrath of the Lord was aroused.
2 Chronicles 36:15-16

LEADER 2:
He brought up against them the king of Babylon, who killed their young men with the sword in the sanctuary, and spared neither young woman, old man or aged. 2 Chronicles 36:17

LEADER 3:
God handed all of them over to Nebuchadnezar. He carried to Babylon all the articles from the temple of God, and all the treasures of the king. They set fire to God’s temple . . . they burned all the palaces and destroyed everything of value there.
2 Chronicles 36:18-19

LEADER 1:
Everyone in Israel – whose heart God had moved – prepared to go up and rebuild the house of the Lord in Jerusalem. Ezra 1:5

LEADER 3:
They gathered together, fasting and wearing sackcloth and having dust on their heads. Nehemiah 9:1

LEADER 2:
They stood in their places and confessed their sins and the wickedness of their fathers. Nehemiah 9:2

LEADER 1:
They stood and read from the Book of the Law for a quarter of the day, and spent another quarter in confession and in worshipping the Lord their God. Nehemiah 9:3

LEADER 2:
When the builders laid the foundation of the temple, with praise and thanksgiving they sang to the Lord. Ezra 3:11

ALL:
You, O God, are the Alpha and the Omega, the Author and Perfecter of our faith, Hebrews 12:2 a Stronghold in times of trouble, Psalm 9:9 the Beginning and the End. Revelation 21:6 Our times are in your hands. Psalm 31:15

The Era of Jesus Christ (Matthew - John)

LEADER 2:
After 400 years of silence, a New Day dawned in Jerusalem.

LEADER 1: In the past God spoke to our forefathers through the prophets at many times and in various ways, but in these last days he has spoken to us by his Son, whom he appointed heir of all things, and through whom he made the universe. Hebrews 1:1-2

LEADER 2:
In the time of King Herod, God sent the angel Gabriel to Nazareth, a town in Galilee, to a
Virgin pledged to be married to a man named Joseph, a descendant of David. Luke 1:26

LEADER 3:
“Do not be afraid, Mary, you have found favor with God. You will be with child and give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus. And the Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, and he will reign over the house of Jacob forever.” Luke 1:30-33

LEADER 2:
Mary gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger. Luke 2:7

LEADER 1:
And the child grew and became strong; he was filled with wisdom, and the grace of God was upon him. Luke 2:40

LEADER 3:
News about him spread through the whole countryside. He taught in their synagogues, called twelve disciples, raised the dead, told parables, healed the sick, fed 5,000 and everyone praised him. Luke 3:14

LEADER 1:
It is written in the scriptures that this Jesus was crucified, that he was buried, and that he raised on the third day. 1 Corinthians 15:3-4

LEADER 2:
He was the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have supremacy. Colossians 1:18

LEADER 3:
Through him God reconciled to himself all things. Colossians 1:20

LEADER 2:
And made peace through his blood, shed on the cross. Colossians 1:20

ALL:
You, O God, are the Alpha and the Omega, the Author and Perfecter of our faith, Hebrews 12:2 a Stronghold in times of trouble, Psalm 9:9 the Beginning and the End. Revelation 21:6 Our times are in your hands. Psalm 31:15

The Era of the Early Church (Acts - Revelation)

LEADER 1:
In the last days, God said, “I will pour out my Spirit on all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy, your young men will see visions, your old men will dream dreams. Even on my servants, both men and women, I will pour out my Spirit. And everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.” Acts 2:17

LEADER 2:
All the believers were together. Every day they continued to meet together.
Acts 2:44, 46

LEADER 3:
They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts. Acts 2:46

LEADER 1:
And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved. Acts 2:47

LEADER 2:
Then the end will come, when Jesus hands over the kingdom to God the Father after he has destroyed all dominion, authority and power. 1 Corinthians 15:24

LEADER 3:
This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time. 2 Timothy 1:9

LEADER 1: And from the beginning God has set eternity in the hearts of his people; yet we cannot fathom what he has done from beginning to end. Ecclesiastes 3:11

LEADER 2:
God – who was and is and is to come – has made everything beautiful in its time. Revelation 1:8 and Ecclesiastes 3:11

LEADER 1:
In him all things hold together. Colossians 1:17

LEADERS 1, 2, and 3:
Therefore, trust in God at all times, O people! Psalm 62:8

ALL:
You, O God, are the Alpha and the Omega, the Author and Perfecter of our faith, Hebrews 12:2 a Stronghold in times of trouble, Psalm 9:9 the Beginning and the End. Revelation 21:6 Our times are in your hands. Psalm 31:15

Book Ends

Often, when I finish reading a book; I write a poem. This year, my sister-in-law convinced me to read Khaled Hosseini's A Thousand Splendid Suns. Here's the poem I wrote after that read:

Twin Poisonous Flowers
Written after reading
A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini
Advent 2008

Two women, Taliban in their country
Endure private warring, a husband
Daily killing innocents caught in crossfire
Twin poisonous flowers: Hope and Love
Sprout in cracked kitchen floorboards of
Their war-torn land; uprooted by empty
Womb, lover lost, present torture, misogyny,
Thwarted attempts at escape, new life

Watered by memories shared, a baby girl and
Boy, mothers born (both of them), lost love found,
A shovel coming down hard and fast and mortally
With Herculean strength cracking cranium like
Farmer's soil furrowed to find meaning after death
And success, the sprout eternally green
From a friendship long ago rooted

A Couple Quotes about Community

LOVE
What life have you if not life together?
There is no life that is not lived in community,
and no community not lived in praise of God.

-T. S. Eliot, Choruses from the Rock

Love the Lord your God with all your passion
and prayer and intelligence. This is the most
important, the first on any list. But there is a
second to set alongside it: Love others as well
as you love yourself. These two commands are
pegs; everything in God's Law and the Prophets
hangs from them.

Matthew 22:38-40

Waiting for Word

LOVE
We all inherit something from our progenitors: insanely blue eyes like my husband's, a Romanesque nose (also like my husband's), a dashing smile, sanguine personality, hearty laugh, or broad shoulders. My brother, Rob, and I both inherited chocolate brown eyes, dark hair and prematurely degenerative lower backs.

This Advent, as I was waiting for Christmas, I was also waiting for Rob and his family to visit for the holidays. Despite a re-injury of his back - from putting his one-year-old into his crib - Rob made the long fight from LA to Chicago. On Christmas Eve he (who did not inherit the Drama Chromosome as I did) lay writhing in pain on the bed in my parent's room. The kids and I stopped the Natal Drama to go into the master, anoint Rob with olive oil and pray for a reprieve from pain that 'felt like a rusty nail stabbing his low back, hip and right leg.'

On Sunday I thought of my brother as I led worship from the piano and sang, Immanuel, Our God is with us. And if God is with us who can stand against us? Our God is with us, Immanuel. And as the congregation read the following adaptation of Eugene Peterson's translation of John 1, I thought about my friend Bev who is pregnant and four days past her due date. Both my brother and Bev: waiting for a word, waiting for deliverance from pain, waiting for a new life.

RESPONSIVE READING, DECEMBER 28th 2008

LEADER:
The Word was first, the Word present to God, God present to the Word. The Word was God in readiness for God from day one.

MEN:
Everything was created through him; nothing – not one thing! – came into being without him.

WOMEN:
What came into existence was Life, and the Life was Light to live by. The Life-Light blazed out of the darkness; the darkness couldn’t put it out.

ALL:
The Word became flesh and blood, and moved into the neighborhood.
We saw the glory with our own eyes, the one-of-a-kind glory, like Father, like Son, Generous inside and out, true from start to finish. Immanuel, God with us!

LEADER:
John the Baptist was sent by God to point out the way to the Life-Light. He came to show everyone where to look, who to believe in. John was not himself the Light; he was there to show the way to the Light.

WOMEN:
The Life-Light was the real thing: Every person entering Life he brings into Light.

MEN:
He was in the world, the world was there through him, and yet the world didn’t even notice he came to his own people, but they didn’t want him.

LEADER:
But whoever did want him, who believed he was who he claimed and would do what he said, he made to be their true selves.

ALL:
The Word became flesh and blood, and moved into the neighborhood.
We saw the glory with our own eyes, the one-of-a-kind glory, like Father, like Son, Generous inside and out, true from start to finish. Immanuel, God with us!

With the coming of Christmas, my Advent waiting has ended. The Life-Light has come into the darkness. Yet, with Rob and Bev, I continue to wait as they walk through Personal Advents. Rob and his family cut their trip to Chicago short, flying back to LA on Christmas Day. As I write he is undergoing what could be a five hour surgery to alleviate two 'massively herniated' discs. Bev is still awaiting the birth of her baby boy. I remain with both of them in hope and expectancy and with this poem:

Waiting for Word
for Rob on the day of his back surgery
December 2008

On a day filled with
thoughts of you,
I feel pregnant with
expectancy, waiting for Word

by phone or Internet
or Spirit Whisper that
you’re OK and resting
in the safety of darkness

beginning to break
like waters bringing forth
new life once secreted by womb
that – by yielding, going with the pain –

fades from deepest obscurity
to a bright pink and screaming dawn

An Advent Podcast

This year my church, Blanchard Road Alliance in Wheaton, is offering a 5 minute Podcast for each day during the Advent Season. These Podcasts have given me Pause, Stillness, a few moments for Reflection during this often frenetic time of year. They've been a perfect Gift to me. I look forward to each new offering, enjoying recitations of scripture by four-year-olds, stories about forgiveness, hopeful expectation for Emmanuel - God with Us - to come.

Following is a transcript of my Podcast which is featured today at the following link: http://www.blanchardalliance.org/mediaServices/channel321.xml). If, by the way, you're interested in signing up for the free gift of the entire Podcast Compilation, you can do that at http://www.blanchardalliance.org/.

Everlasting Father
An Advent Offering about God as Playful

This morning as I got ready for the day I heard my dad’s voice calling out from our front room, “It’s time for your armpit sandwich, Ayden!” Next I heard the pitter-patter of a chase followed by a capture and shared laughter. Even from upstairs, I knew it wouldn’t be long until Grandpa and Ayden would be feverishly involved in a game of “Button, Button, Who’s Got the Button?”, Flashlight Tag with Ben and Emily, or Ayden’s favorite, “I’m Thinking of Something.”

My dad is one of the most playful, ebullient, joyous, extroverted people I know. He’s one of those twinkly-eyed guys who smiles at babies in line at the mall. He embraces life, always has a good story to tell, an easy laugh, and sees the bright side of everything. Even in his sixties, my dad espouses the huge, uninhibited heart of a child.

His playful spirit has informed my image of God, our Everlasting Father. When I find myself falling into the clichéd trap of seeing God as stoic, unavailable, uuber-serious; I remember my dad. And, I realize that playfulness can be part of God’s character without diminishing his authority, divinity or holiness.

Seeing God this way – through the lens of my hilarious, playful dad – helps vivify the image of our Everlasting Father. So when I read in Psalm 104 that God ‘stretches out the heavens like a tent’ I immediately think of camping with my dad. And, imagine a god who invites us into wild adventurous kinds of connections. The kind of fresh-aired fun families experience under star-lit nights . . . by open fire.

Also, when I read of God incarnate, Jesus, inviting the children to be with Him; I see my dad tickling my son like he did earlier today. And, I imagine Christ yelling “Let the little children come,” as He takes off for an impromptu game of hide-n-go-seek that morphs into a game of leap frog and then a contest to see who can dig up the most worms from a nearby Jerusalem garden.

During Advent – a time of reflective waiting – let us trust that our Everlasting Father will come at Christmas with Joy and Lightness, Playfulness and Love . . . delighting in us and inviting us to be with Him, enjoy Him, enter into blithe and cheer-filled moments of connection with Him.

And, let us likewise invite Him:

Jesus Christ, Immanuel, Everlasting and Playful Father, in our changing world, help us trust your eternal protection and provision and guide others to You.

Expecting Emmanuel

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This Advent I’m expectant. Expectant for the birth of Christ; and expectant for the birth of a friend’s baby (a boy, due on Christmas Day). I’ve had the joy and honor of walking with this friend, a single-mom who goes to my church, through this: her first pregnancy.

As I’ve watched her middle become as round and beautiful as the earth, we’ve been talking a lot about Mary’s journey as a single-mom. We’ve debriefed what it must’ve been like for Mary to feel pregnant and alone. We’ve read her story in the gospels, imagined what it was like when her baby, Jesus, met leaping John the Baptist – through layers sin and flesh and uterus – for the first time.

We’ve talked about the surprising way Mary – an improbable teenage girl – wound up carrying God’s child . . . carrying God within herself . . . And how all of us carry divinity within us. CHRIST IN US THE HOPE OF GLORY.

The magic and mystery of God coming near in such an unlikely way has struck us organically as my friend (full and beautiful with child), nears her Christmas due date, prepares her nursery, and tries to survive these last few days where sharing a body with a big baby boy are becoming arduous and exhausting. As we wait and expect her looming day of deliverance, we’re awed at the ways Jesus Christ, Emmanuel, God-with-us has come to be close to us.

A poem by Rowan Williams, titled Advent Calendar, helps us as we wait:

Advent Calendar

He will come like last leaf’s fall.
One night when the November wind
has flayed the trees to bone, and earth
wakes choking on the mould,
the soft shroud’s folding.

He will come like frost.
One morning when the shrinking earth
opens on mist, to find itself
arrested in the net
of alien, sword-set beauty.

He will come like dark.
One evening when the bursting red
December sun draws up the sheet
and penny-masks its eye to yield
the star-sowed fields of sky.

He will come, will come,
will come like crying in the night,
like blood, like breaking,
as the earth writhes to toss him free.
He will come like child.

Grateful Heart

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My family has just returned from a couple days away at a little cabin in the woods. We followed trail blazes on oak leaf covered paths, saw cedar waxwings, stepped on mushrooms and watched their spores ascend into the air like smoke. The kids collected sticks, rocks and feathers. I collected memories.

We performed balance beam routines on fallen pine trunks, warmed our hands and faces by Bry's fire, feasted on roasted turkey and buttered potatoes, slept under quilts; awoke to hot coffee and sunshine sneaking surreptitiously into our dwelling. Surrounded by fresh air and the love of family, I couldn't help but feel unquenchably grateful. In an endless circle, a voice deep within my spirit whispered, Thank you, God . . . Thank you, God . . . Thank you, God!

Were there no God we would be in this glorious world with grateful hearts and no one to thank. - Christina Rossetti, 1830-1894

Sisters

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Shortly after my dear friend Margie's husband died from Cancer; I heard of a young mom at my church who had lost her sister to Cancer. Cathartically, I spent hours on her brother-in-law's gorgeously written website: http://forleslie.blogspot.com/ weeping and praying with my tears as I read stories of love and loss and unexpected leaving. So much of it reminded me of my arduous, beautiful, mercy-laden journey with Margie. So much of it made me feel connected to this young woman though I did not know her personally.

Every Sunday at church I prayed for her, wondered how she was doing - - knowing that she was in the thick grieving the loss of her sister and, at the same time, helping her brother-in-law care for his young motherless son. Every Sunday, I wondered how the woman's heart was doing, if it was empty with the aching gnaw of loss like mine. If she was exhausted or at peace or both . . . or neither. I wondered how losing a sister was different from what I experienced with Margie; and if there was anything I could do or say to lighten (or fill?) the loss. Last Sunday, in the middle of the service, a poem came. I'm not sure if I'll share it with the woman, or not. But, it follows.

Sisters

I don't have a sister.
You did.

In a picture the two of you
sit on a bench together.
You're both smiling,
looking so pretty,
mirrors of one another,
happy, sisterly: companioned.

What's it like to have a
sibling like yourself
yet different
knowing you intuitively
by shared propinquity
and life

to laugh at insider jokes,
remember the color of wallpaper
in childhood rooms and
the exact slope of backyard

the swing set there and sandbox
where you shared secrets and
fought over who'd be
Queen of the Sandcastle

to disagree and know that
blood and chromosomes link
you together inextricably like
stitches in a hand knit blanket?

Now she has left unexpectedly
and I wonder where she is.
In the ground? In the sky?
Both? Still companioning you?
Your countenance in church
says you miss her ineffably
but know exactly where she is.

I imagine her whispering the
location to you in a sunset or
falling leaf, in the simple symbol
of a dream, or shiver on the
back of your neck.

I don't have a sister.
You always will.

HOME

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"Gottcha!" That's what we we said to a twelve-month-fifteen-day-old beautiful, apple cheeked Chinese baby girl on the day we held her in our arms for the first time. The moment unfolded at a Chinese Welfare Institution in Nanchung. The room was small, unadorned, dimly lit and filled with anxious parents-to-be along with the hearty cries of our baby girl and eleven others who were united with their adoptive American mamas and daddies that day, November 20th, 2005.

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I remember holding my pearl of a baby girl on my lap as we took a bumpy bus ride back to our hotel. As the bus maneuvered scarily through frenetic Chinese traffic, I felt an overwhelming, marrow-deep homesickness. A longing to smell the hair of our boys, to hug them hard and long, to play the piano in my front room, to look at the pond from our dining room table; and, simultaneously, a homesickness for a place I've never been, a Place where my Heart will truly find Rest and Peace and Completion . . . a place where True Forever Family lives. Along with all these existential emotional gymnastics, I also felt a sadness that Bryan and I were about to take this baby girl away from the first home she'd ever known.

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Hoping to bring a part of China back to the states with us, I leaned over my seat to ask our guide, "How do you say home in Chinese?"

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"Jia," she said and smiled as if she knew exactly what I was thinking.
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Jia, jia, jia, I repeated in my heart. Jia. Jia. I wanted to remember this word. I planned to say it to our child after we flew across the Big Pond, landed in the airplane, and drove via car down our driveway for the first time. Jia, I would whisper in my little girl's ear. Jia. This is your home, Sweetheart.

Today is the third anniversary of our GOTTCHA DAY (a term well-known and beloved by adoptive parents of internationally adopted children).

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Today, Emily and I will dress up for tea with hats, strings of pearls (from China), boas and sparkly plastic rings. We'll set a toddler sized table for four. Two of my grandmother's tea cups - most likely filled with apple cider - will be for us. Two others will be set out for Emily's birth parents who we call Ma Ma and Ba Ba (the Chinese names for Mom and Dad).

We will sing and talk, eat Goldfish crackers and bakery cookies. And we will sip our tea. When there is a pregnant pause in the festivities; we'll raise our cups, with extended pinkies of course, and toast to Ma Ma and Ba Ba in China. We will thank them for giving Emily life, for giving her her first home in China, for

letting her come to a new home in America.

Thoughts of China and pain bearing beauty, of Emily's birth family, of jia have been flooding my mind. I wonder if Emily is remembering, too. I wonder if this season brings up for her the memories: smells, sights, sounds, feelings of the day when her life changed and she found a new kind of home in my arms.

I wonder if she remembers that we were both wearing the exact shade of jade green when we first met. I wonder if she remembers the way the Aunties told us - using pantomimed body-language - that she could walk, that she was doing so well, that she had been deeply loved in China. I wonder if she notices the big and small synchronicities that come during this time of remembering. Synchronicities like the one last night as I read the last few pages of Madeleine L'Engle's Meet the Austins to all of my kids before bed.

On the last few pages, L'Engle artfully, specifically describes the Austin family activities upon returning home from a long vacation:

We piled out of the car and in through the garage and into the house, into the kitchen. It was home and I remembered it with every bit of me . . . We were all dashing all over the house to our special places. I ran up to Rob's and my room, and there was his little bed at the foot of my big one . . . and the catalpa tree outside the east window was still naked but I thought I could see the beginning of buds. I kept going from room to room, bumping into the others, and that's what we were all doing, feeling the feel of home again.

We all ran outdoors to the swing, to John's and Dave's tree house, John, of course, to the barn . . . We ran all the way around the house, looking at it from all four points of the compass, and then back into the house again, and Mother had a record on the phonograph, and the phone kept ringing, all the kids to ask us about our vacation, and the office phone, because Daddy's patients knew he was home again.

Rob grabbed my hand and pulled me back upstairs to our room and he said, "Oh, my bed, my own bed," and I knew his God Bless that night would go on for hours if someone didn't stop him from blessing every piece of furniture in the house and every tree outdoors.

Mother called us to help, and she was getting dinner and we realized that it was dinnertime and we were all starved, so we set the table and I mashed the potatoes and Suzy cut up the tomatoes for salad and Rob went around the table giving everyone three napkins. Then we were all around the table holding hands to say grace, and we said the kind of grace we always do on special occasions, each of us in turn saying his own . . .

Then everyone started to jabber all at once and to eat like pigs and it all seemed right and comfortable and home.

On the way to the bus stop this morning, I replayed this passage from Madeleine's book in my mind. I thought about the day we came home from China with Emily. I thought about the homes we go to each Thanksgiving and Christmas. And, I thought about a Home where I hope to live after these homes all pass away. As I thought, an acrostic for HOME popped into my head:

H - Happily ever after?
O - Ostensibly a
M - metaphor for the

E - eternal.

Once again, welcome home, Emily! This is your jia, your place of love and family and fights with siblings, mashed potatoes, loud conversations, piano music and growing trees. Welcome, welcome, welcome. We're so glad that you're here! Welcome home!

Thank You Durand Women

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During this season of thanksgiving, I'd like to express gratitude to the girls of Durand United Methodist Women's Organization. Thank you for sharing your weekend of retreat with me. Your laughter and tears and the helpful suggestions you offered about my ensuing mammogram are ineffably appreciated! Thanks for inspiring me with your Babyless Shower, your 'We're Not Church Ladies Attitude,' and your open conversational honesty.

Now that I know you all a bit better, I can honestly say that I'm proud you've taken the moniker Girl Talk . . . God Talk for your group. May all of your talkings continue!

As I was driving home from Rockford, I was thinking about a comment a woman in your group made that one of my books was normal. In the moment, I was a bit taken back. But, as I processed in my car on the way home, I wondered if that may have been the most profound compliment anyone has ever given me about my writing; and proof that my mission of bringing the divine to the daily, the holy to the human - - meeting God in the ordinary - - is being accomplished. So, thanks for those sweet words.

My prayer for all of you is that you'll continue to grow in faith and friendship. And, as you do, that that you'll continue to reach out to your community and to the world. (Also, that you'll hang in there with Lewis' Four Loves.) That books is one of my favorites. My husband, Bryan, and I used the following quote from that masterpiece in our wedding program:
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Need-love says of a woman "I cannot live without her"; Gift-love longs to give her happiness, comfort, protection - - if possible, wealth; Appreciative-love gazes and holds its breath and is silent, rejoices that such a wonder should exist even if not for him, will not be wholly dejected by by losing her, would rather have it so than never to have seen her at all. Need-love cries to God from our poverty; Gift-love longs to serve, or even to suffer for, God; Appreciative-love says: "We give thanks thee for thy great glory."
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So, here I am, blogging and sending a big dose of Appreciative-love your way. Thanks again! And Happy Thanksgiving to all of you and yours!

ColorGirl

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ColorGirl
a poem about Kristin

Canary yellow it cascades
from branch, brushing
coat sleeve, jeans
taking rest in a bed
of sunshine colored comrades

I begin to gather more:
a golden bouquet

walking through the park
add orange, crimson, rusty
garments disrobed by fall

At home the collection
perfectly piles into
cardboard box addressed
to brother in LA where
leaves hold eternally verdant

The face of his wife
falls into mind I see
her before him on
hills peaking in
vibrant autumnal bursts
they glide in joy
and wind and smeary hues

I lift the box letting my
collection spill on dining
room table – he does not need
the ritual package anymore

She is the color in his life

Looking for God

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They watch for Christ

who have a sensitive, eager, apprehensive mind,

who are awake, alive, quick-sighted,

zealous in seeking and honoring Him,

who look out for HIm in all that happens, and

who would not be surprised,

who would not be over-agitated or overwhelmed,

if they found that He was coming at once . . .

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This then is to watch;

to be detached from what is present, and

to live in what is unseen;

to live in the thought of Christ as He came once,

and as He will come again;

to desire His second coming, from our affectionate

and grateful remembrance of His first.

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John Henry Newman

Admonition to Eyes

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It is Sunday, and another poem has come. This one is written like a letter to my eyes, begging them to open, to see God's grandeur in nature, the struggle of a close friend, the newly born-handwriting of my elementary aged boys, the smile of my daughter . . .

The poem is my way of continuing the thoughts of one of my friends at the end of his sermon, ". . . let us ask that we be granted the eyes to see those things that are needful for us in our spiritual pilgrimage. Perhaps that idea can introduce the fear that we could go way overboard on seeing the unseen . . . and yet, at special times . . . of danger, of discouragement, God may open our eyes to see things that are not unreal, but simply not regularly visible. Simply knowing that that reality is there may serve to build our faith."


Admonition to Eyes

Open to see the sun whitening,
illuminating tufted tips
of tall grass that
wave in autumn wind

the downward slope of
eyebrows mid-sentence,
fall of countenance,
crinkle of brow begging
help with kids while
a loved one convalesces
close to Heaven

See sea glass vibrant and pastel,
Study microscopic and particulate
the vast and collective
blurry humming birds, stars, silvery
moons, smears of constellation,
rosebuds or full labyrinths of bloom

Notice each lighted moment
the wobble of new cursive, her
exact slant of smile, leaves of
particular crimson or ochre,
infinitely unique geometries of
snowflakes, each metaphor in life

Practice opening widely, precisely with
cunningly careful voraciousness
Look for the Image of the Invisible, the
Mystery of divinity, the fuzzy feathery
promise found in the fluttering tips
of seeable, unseen angel wings

He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. Colossians 1:15-17

The Labyrinth at St. James Cathedral

Last Thursday my daughter, Emily, and I made pilgrimage into the city in search of the outdoor labyrinth at St. James Cathedral on Huron. The weather was sunny and cool. Emily and I both wore brown boots (good for kickin' up crap on the walk). Once we'd paid way too much for parking we walked three blocks to the site. The laybrynth was not too large, making the turns feel a bit tight; painted with purple paint on a concrete courtyard. Two sculptures greeted us. One, an angel with a bow and arrow at his feet, the other a bright, red, angular and modern piece. We were surround by the sounds of the city: car horns, people walking, talking, the occasional screech of wheels. Two pigeons joined us in the courtyard along with two janitors and the chapel provost. Afterward, the following poem was born.

1968 Cornerstone










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she walks a circuitous path
wondering if you see and know
the twists and turns

do the disappointments go
unnoticed, fleeting and faded as
days ripped off a calendar and
tossed in a metal basket

she goes to the labyrinth
at St. James in Chicago
surrounded by hundreds of
high rise details hidden
corporately, blurred behind
blinded beehive windows

two pigeons, one white and tan,
the other iridescent gray
along with her daughter
walk with her
circling, stepping unsure
there is cooing and racing
a song of sorts, laughter,
a gentle smile to
accompany the questions

with camera lifted validating
the moment, marking it Real
out of a corner of eye, corner of frame
appears the church’s cornerstone stamped
1968, the year of her birth and
she knows you number her days

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Listen to me, O house of Jacob, all you who remain of the house of Israel, you whom I have upheld since you were conceived and have carried since your birth. Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.
Isaiah 46:3-4